we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
