I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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