its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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