she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he puts the penis in happiness.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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