The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
