I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
