he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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