i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least đ
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He said I have the âDenzel Washingtonâ of vaginas.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasnât
The school better be open next year. Iâve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and thereâs serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
Itâs 2020. Youâll probably get knocked up. If youâre really lucky youâll just get the clap
Randomize
