This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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