so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
