i think my tv is drunk
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
All I want is dick and wine.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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