In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
