I cockslap morals
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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