He is an equal opportunity slut.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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