When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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