we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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