If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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