If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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