the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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