so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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