So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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