Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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