i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
