Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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