After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
