so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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