Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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