I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
