saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
