Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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