I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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