dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
