better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
