I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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