If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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