Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
