Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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