Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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