If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
