I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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