When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
