I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
