You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
