I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
