My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
