Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
