just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
