shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
