don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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