11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
