I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
