can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
