I'm jealous of your bromance
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
